My Interview with God, Part One

Tin Foil Hats is proud to present a new chapter in our sporadic life - the interview!

Now, we will not interview just anyone. We set the bar pretty high here. We were hoping to land Gene Simmons, Geoff Johns, Elle MacPherson or Eddie Izzard, but none of them had time in their schedules to appear (jerks)...

I did find a good first guest for our program. Ladies and Gentleman, please give a warm welcome to God!!!!!!

begin transcript

Tin Foil Hats: Wow! God. This is really cool!

God: Yeah, it is cool. Thanks for having me on.

TFH: Wow.....God....

G: Wow...Tin Foil Hats!

TFH: Wow!

G: .........

TFH: God, my name is...

G: I know.

TFH: I'm sorry. Have we met before?

G: .........I'm reasonably sure, yes.

TFH: So, God...or should I call you Jehova, or Lord Almighty?

G: No, no....God's cool.

TFH: Cool....OK, well then God, I want to thank you for showing up tonight!

G: Hey, it's no problem. I'm kind of everywhere, you know!

TFH: Right, right...the omnipotence! What is that like?

G: Honestly? It's kind of overrated. You don't want to know what people are doing most of the time.

TFH: Really?

G: Yeah, I was kind of using you as an example.

TFH: Hahahaha!!!!

G: No, seriously...you don't need to do that that many times a day.

TFH: Hahahaha!!!! That is so funny, God! How about a high five?

G: Um....can you use your other hand?

TFH: You're a riot, God! I do have some serious questions for you, tho...

G: Well, that's why I'm here.

TFH: And we appreciate you taking time from your schedule to be here.

G: Don't mention it.

TFH: No, really we app....

G: I said, don't mention it. Now, if you want your mouth back then nod and move on to the next question.

TFH: Fair enough. What is your favorite color?

G: Green.

TFH: Really? I would have thought it was blue.

G: Don't get me wrong - blue is cool. I like all my colors, but I really dig green. It's my favorite.

TFH: Do you have a favorite tree?

G: Wow...that one is kind of tough. I really like the Live Oak and the Cyprus.

TFH: I like Apple trees!

G: Yeah, but you also like the Silver Sorceress.

TFH: How did you know that?????

G: Um....omnipotence?

TFH: Oh, right! Yeah, the Silver Sorceress rocks all kinds of wicked awesome, but we'll talk about that another time. Right now we have more important things to discuss.

G: Hit me!

TFH: No way! You'll kick my ass!

G: No, I meant ask your questions.

TFH: OK - the platypus. What the F@#%?

G: Excuse me?

TFH: The Platypus - were you drunk or something?

G: Aren't you worried that you're being a tad bit disrespectful now?

TFH: Not really....I'm on my eighth beer. I'm not worried about much now. Just stop ducking the question - what the f@#% is up with giraffes?

G: I thought you said Platypi.

TFH: Oh.....I get it. You're a wise guy!

G: Well, technically I am the wisest guy....

TFH: .............touche.

G: Oooookay....

TFH: ..............

G: ..............


TFH: ..........So, do you like comics?

G: Yes I do! I'm a big fan, in fact!

TFH: Are you a DC or Marvel guy?

G: OK, you have to understand that I can't answer that.

TFH: BAWK BAWK BAWK BA-BAWK!!!!!!

G: .........no, I'm not being a chicken, it's just that any time I show preference over one side or the other in any situation a bunch of assholes get all uppity and kill other people in my name.

TFH: That's not cool.

G: No, it really isn't. I don't want rabid comics fans killing others just because I preferred Infinite Crisis to House of M.

TFH: You mean like those people over there? (pointing to the left)

G: Hey! HEY!!!! STOP THAT THIS INSTANT!

TFH: You should go old school and turn them into pigs!

G: ......dude, that was Circe.

TFH: Ohhhh......right. OK, so you can't turn people into pigs...

G: No, I can.

TFH: But you just said that you needed Circe to do that

G: No...I was pointing out a historical / Literary reference.

TFH: Whatever, bra! You just can't turn people oink oink oink oink

G: I'm sorry, what were you saying?

TFH: OINK! Oink oink oink oink oinking oink oink?

G: Dude - it's not cool to take my name in vain....not even in piggese.

TFH: That was not cool.

G: Oh, lighten up!

And that is it for part 1 of the Tin Foil Hats' interview with God. Please check in later for the next installment!!!