New Orleans

I am very sad today. I am watching the coverage of Hurricane Katrina as it churns towards the Central Gulf Coast.

I lived in New Orleans for several years. I know that area all too well. When I lived there we would often talk about "The Big One" and what would happen if it hit.

Well, I guess we're about to see.

I fear that by Wednesday, towns like Venice, Grand Isle and Fourchon may no longer exist. The physical map of the United States is going to change with this storm.

The Mississippi River Levee System is undoubtedly the greatest feat of civil engineering this country has ever seen (yes, even beating out Boulder/Hoover Dam), but it is what it is - an attempt to control a mighty river. An attempt to control Mother Nature.

Mother Nature does not like to be controlled.

The natural course of the Mississippi River carries it south from Baton Rogue to Morgan City - what we know as the Atchafalaya Basin. Due to the Levee system, the River has been molded to serve New Orleans' need as a major Port city. With the coming flooding the Levee system in New Orleans will fail, but my hope is that it does not weaken the system to the point where we experience catastrophic failure. Basically, not even an Army of Dutch Boys will be able to save that Dike if it fails.

Most of my family from the area has evacuated. Many friends have as well, but there are still so many I haven't spoken to. I will worry about them until I can confirm their safety.

Vaya con dios, New Orleans and surrounding area. Be safe.

Commitment

I have been told that I have a fear of commitment. This is simply not true.

Case in point - my sports teams.

I am a fan of the Houston Astros, the Houston Rockets and the Houston Texans. I'm an ART fan, if you will. I have stuck with these teams through thick and thin (well, the Texans are new, so they get a pass) and I have never waivered in my support.

When the Houston Oilers left for that other state I was heartbroken. I had broken up with my girlfriend of about 8 months two days before the Oilers move was official...I had been so upset about her, but when the Oilers left I was reminded what was really important in life.

I have lived through the worst Rockets teams and many disappointing Astros seasons...yet my commitment never waivered. I moved from Houston for a few years...but my commitment to my teams never waivered. I will always stand by my Houston ART teams, so don't you tell me that I'm afraid of commitment!

Ramses

I have to believe that Ramses brand condoms are the worst named product ever.

Let's look at the main purpose of the condom - it is a birth control measure. Sure they may be able to protect against a bug or two, but they are mostly there to prevent those baby bombs from hitting their target.

That said, why name your product to prevent pregnancy after Ramses the Great...the Egyptian Phaoroah who fathered over 200 children???

Maybe they'll release a series of condoms aimed at a younger crowd by naming them after NBA players. I can just see someone at the drug store saying "yeah, I need a pack of Kemps, please!"

Insomnia

Why don't I sleep?

I like to joke about insomnia, but I am starting to think that I really may suffer from it.

Maybe I'm a vampire at heart....I love to sleep during the morning and day, but I just can't sleep at night for some reason.

I don't get it. I'm busy all day with work, I run, I work out....Nighttime Nod-time should be a given, right????

I don't know what it is. I can count on one non-mutated, multi-fingered hand how many times I've fallen asleep before midnite in the last 6 months....

So....how are you?

I don't like Pre-Season Football

What is the point of pre-season NFL football, really?

I can understand a tune-up game or two, but 5 games is just begging for injuries in the preseason. I just watched Zach Weigert leaving the field for the Texans three and a half minutes into the first quarter of their first pre-season game. THREE MINUTES!!!

The Texans can't afford to lose an offensive linemen in a freaking tune-up game!

Carr, Davis and Johnson are all looking sharp so far at least.

edit - I typed that just before the Texans missed three goal-line opportunities to punch the ball in. Oh well, at least they went for it on a fourth down. Also, Tony Banks just threw a laser of a pass into the endzone for 6!

Random Fight Idea...

Right now it's the third inning and the Astros are up 1-0. I'm watching the game and wondering...

Who'd win in a fight between a polar bear and an alligator???

These are the things that keep me up at night....

Voodoo Sports Fan

I had tickets for the Astros game tonight, but Pettitte is pitching so I'm missing it. He's just been on fire this year, but here's a little-known fact...Everytime I've gone to an Astros game when Pettitte is pitching they have lost. Call me a Voodoo Sports Fan, but I'm not taking any risks! Still, he's been awesome this year...hell, all of them have been incredible! Roger Clemens deserves the Cy Young again this year - what he's doing is amazing! Not amazing for a 43 year old...amazing for anyone!

The Cy Young should never be given out just because of the W-L record. I know that it's not the only determining factor, but some voters will only see that. Clemens had no run support early on and that contributed to his losses/no decisions. The way he's pitching he should have a 15-18 game winning record right now. Too bad their offense was so impotent in the first few weeks.

The Astros need this game tonight to solidify the Wild Card lead. It isn't safe by any stretch of the imagination. A little more distance between them and the Marlins, Phillies and Nationals will be helpfu.

Dinner

I had a big bowl of hot and sour soup for dinner. I wasn't really that hungry. There wasn't enough tofu in it.

I like tofu. It gets a bad rap sometimes, but it's pretty tasty.

I'll probably be hungry again in about an hour.

Tired!

I don't even know why I'm up right now. I'm so tired it kinda hurts!


You know how it goes when your body is soooooo tired it can't sleep???

Oh well, I had some good Zatanna Comics to hold me over!

Why you should never run with Scissors

Many of you who know me have heard this little morality tale before, but I will take every opportunity to teach others by my example.

As a young child I was told many things. One of them was that I was not supposed to run with scissors. I was an inquisitive child and I asked why I should not run with scissors, but I was never given an answer. This frustrated me to no end, but I grew up and eventually just accepted that I should not run with scissors.

As I went through life I have done many things, I have gone many places and I have seen many things. my mind has been occupied, but on some dark, quiet nights as I lay in bed I would think back to that old mystery....why should I not run with scissors?

I allowed my life to fall into a routine. Every day seemed to be the same thing and I no longer had time to look for the answers to mysteries. I would go to work, then I would go to the park and run, and then I would go to bed. The next morning it would be the same thing. One evening after work I drove to the park for my evening run, as usual. As I got out of my car and stretched my calves, I looked down at the ground only to see a pair of scissors.

All at once, the questions of my youth came back to me. It was like I was being overwhelmed by a tidal wave. I had to know...I had to know this...so I picked up the scissors and I began to run.

I ran one lap, noticing the horrified stares of my fellow run-monkeys...but I did not put the scissors down. I ran another lap...people were avoiding me now, but I still ran...I ran with scissors!

Finally I came to a stop. I had done it. I had run with scissors.I stood there cooling down. I realized that after all these years of being told not to run with scissors...there was no reason for it. No reason at all! It was OK to run with scissors.

I then saw someone walking up to me. It was an elderly gentleman. I saw that he was holding a frying pan. Just as I was about to say good evening the old guy nailed my in the nuts with the frying pan! I crumpled to the ground with tears welling up in my eyes...because getting nailed in the nuts with a frying pan is actually 'more' painful than it sounds! The old man stood over me and he says "Do you know why this happened?"I didn't know...then I remembered the scissors that were still in my hand. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and muttered "Scissors." He nodded and walked away.

That, my friends, is why you should never run with scissors. Learn from my mistake.

The moral of the story is that if you ever see Me rambling on about something, don't bother reading to the end because I rarely have a point, and when I do, it usually doesn't make sense.

Unsolicited Dating Advice #1

OK kids - when you take a girl out for a dinner and a movie - always go to the movie first and then have dinner later. That way you'll be able to talk about the movie over dinner and lessen your chances of blowing it by saying something really stupid like you're apt to do.

Hello and a Sample of what you'll get!

Sometimes I have too many thoughts in my head.

Sometimes I have too few thoughts in my head.

I can't seem to find the happy medium, you know? There's something to be said for wisdom, but at the same time ignorance can be bliss. It is a constant war in my head.

This of course brings us to Ice Cream. Personally, I would say that my favorite Ice Cream is Mint Chocolate Chip. It's yummy, and it's green. Another favorite of mine is Pistachio Gelato. OK - I realize that Ice Cream and gelato are different, but they're both cold and they are both green - kind of like my friend Sarah who got sick after eating oysters in Alaska one time.

This world is crazy, man. I turn on the news and half the time it's people looking for things to be outraged about. Isn't there enough crap to be upset about without looking for more things? I think that a lot of people aren't happy unless they're unhappy...and nothing makes them happier (unhappier?) than bringing everyone else down around them. The scientific term for these people is "buttmonkeys."

Well, I hope you all enjoy your visit. I'm going to gather my thoughts and try to post something coherent next.