Trees and Squirrels

I took my niece for a walk today. She's 6 and about to go into first grade. She's a sweet, clever little girl.

On this walk we saw some bunnies. We saw some birds and we saw a couple deer. I live in a heavily wooded area, so while that isn't unusual, it is still pretty cool.

I took her home and before I left she said "thanks for showing me the trees and squirrels."

Trees and Squirrels.

I didn't even notice them, to be quite honest. I'm not saying that I was not aware of trees - we're surrounded by them - but I wasn't thinking of them as a point of interest. She did, tho.

It's amazing, really - thinking about experiencing the world for the first time. To be so young and to see such things that so many of us don't even notice now after so many years.

Trees and Squirrels.

Tomorrow when I go for a run, I think that I'll enjoy the trees and the squirrels a bit more.

Gobbledegook!

So - Floyd Landis...did he, or didn't he?

Honestly, I don't care at this point. I know this makes France happy, but you know it's bittersweet as that wasn't the man they wanted!

My happy sports news is that I scored tix to a Soccer doubleheader on August 9th at Reliant Stadium. The first match is between the 1836 and the LA Galaxy, and the featured match is between Club America and the European Champs - FC Barcelona!!!

I feel like I just got free tickets to see the best team in the world play....oh wait, I did!!!

Speaking of FC Barcelona, I was doing a search for images of Jar Jar Binks the other day (you don't want to know why) and it seems that many in the soccer world think that there is quite a resemblance between that character and FC Barcelona star, Rohnaldino. It's not a flattering comparison!

In Kingdom of Loathing I screwed up the Gloomy Mushroom process on the second freaking day, so I went ahead and ascended again to replinish my Hi Mein stock. I tell you, I have become a Pulverizing fool on that game! I spent almost 100 adventures making Furry Pants and Kilts just so that I could pulverize them and get some nuggets and wads! I'm noticing that I can do without the Superhuman Cocktailing drinks (even tho they are nice), so I really hope they modify that one a bit. Maybe get 10 free upgrades for the day, but on Moxie Days do it like the Wok of Ages, and charge the cost of an adventure for each upgrade past 10 you use!

In 52 news, WE HAVE ISIS!!! This was a great Black Adam issue. I am really digging the character of Adrianna Tomaz, and I have high hopes for Isis. She's a great humanizing factor on him...well, Adrianna was - the jury's out on the Mighty Isis! Poor Billy is having a hard time adjusting to his new role as well. I am not buying the upcoming Shazam project (burned too many times by that writer), so I won't see how that plays out.

It was great seeing the Feitherians flying in formation above the Capitol building of Khandaq. I would love to see that lineup from Black Reign again (Black Adam, Atom-Smasher, Northwind, Brainwave, Eclipso, and Nemesis). Of course, two are dead and one is incarcerated at the moment...but I think they can figure out something to do! I am really hoping that the new Dr. Fate is an ally of Black Adam - kind of taking the characters full circle!

Speaking of "new" characters - I've decided that Batwoman is pointless, especially upon reading about Didio's disdain for "derivative" characters (like Nightwing). I mean - how much more derivative can you get than this new Batwoman??? Gotham Billionnaire from the other family (who are just as well-known and connected as the Wayne's) who fights injustice under the symbol of the bat. Come on, now!

In Texans news - I'm excited for this new season, if for no other reason that Bennie Joppru has made it through preseason so far without a season-ending injury. I am a real fan of this guy, even tho he hasn't played a down. I'm hoping he makes the team, and if not, then I hope he latches on somewhere!

Vince and Reggie have both signed with their teams now...but I still maintain that the Texans made the right move. I am getting tired of people saying that we should have traded down and still picked up Mario - um.....wouldn't have happened! If we had traded down with the Jets (as the rumor went) then New Orleans was set to pounce on Mario. Kubiak and Co. had their sights set on him, so why take the risk of losing out on him? Oh, and sorry, Youngsters, but your guy was never a real possibility.

I have completed a preliminary painting, but I'm not too happy with it. It was basically an excercise to get my hand back, and I still think I need some work! I have calmed down a bit and am starting to think about things too much now, I'm afraid. I am loving some of the sketched ideas I have been working on, and I think I need to dive in on one of those or risk getting disheartened. The first example will be posted on this blog for you, my loyal, non-existant readers, once I get my new camera cable in that I ordered from eBay!!!

Oh, and before I go I wanted to point out that I got an email from God the other day wondering when I was going to run the next part of my interview with him. Her. Whatever. It's coming soon!

Birds of Prey ROCKS and other nuggets of thought...

Every once in a while I read a comic and I wish that I could call the writer and say "Thank You." Today's Birds of Prey was one of those comics. I've been clamoring for a good Black Canary series for years...and one has popped up right under my nose! Well done this issue, starting with a long overdue visit to an old friend...and ending with a teaser that has my little toes wiggling.

Oh man...anyone who gets that is an even bigger geek than me!

Other things I read: The Black Adam Show (aka 52) had it's best issue to date. I really do like Isis...but I like Adrianna better. The good Captain may be going cuckoo...but I'm not sure if it's for Cocoa Puffs! More Q&A goodness! The Charlie and Montoya partnership is great, and I hope that it continues beyond this series. "Q&A" is a title I've heard mentioned for such a thing, but of course, that will open it to "so, what does the 'A' stand for?" jokes.

Believe it or not...comics fans can be juvenile at times!

I was actually suckered into picking up Hawkgirl again with the teaser that Hawkman could be back! Well...what I got was Kendra fighting in her lacy Victoria's Secret bra (not that I'm opposed to a little (lot) of cheesecake...but come on! Wouldn't a nice sports bra make sense??? Of course, this is a medium where ninjas can wear pumps, so I guess that's OK. What isn't OK is that a character I liked is dead, and Hawkgirl's nemesis seems to be a gaping vagina, who conjured it's magic by playing a "bone flute." OooooooKay? Who knew that Simonson and Chaykin were the reincarnation of Georgia O'Keefe!!!

Busy day for me workwise, not to mention trying to stay dry today! Houston needs to change it's moniker from "Space City" to "'We so totally can't handle rain, dude!' City" Seriously - we are the worst drivers in rain that I have ever encountered. At least LA has an excuse to be bad drivers in the rain - they get maybe a milimeter of rain each year...whereas Houston will flood if someone spills a Coke!

I did a few more sketches last night, but I've only lightly put paint to canvas so far. I think that I'm a wee bit more nervous than I thought, now that the adrenaline has run off. Oh well - chop, chop!

Major breaking news from Houston Sports - The Astros failed to provide any run support for Roger Clemens. Such a thing is unheard of! In other news - there has been an outbreak of sarcasm infecting the area!

Andrea Yates is Not Guilty, by Reason of Insanity. I agree with this decision, and I'm getting tired of people crying that she's going to go free someday. Never will happen, people! Even if declared sane someday she'll just be transferred to jail...and in the odd even that she isn't then there are still two murders left to charge her with - and there is not statute of limitations on murder.

That's all for now. More later, perhaps!

Serious for a moment...but only a moment!

Oy....hate to be serious for a moment, but the jury in the Andrea Yates trial is due to begin deliberations on Monday.

I have run the gauntlet of opinion on this case. Like most, I was so appalled at the crime that the Death Penalty was a foregone conclusion to me. I have learned more about this case and my opinions have drastically changed.

I don't think that the idea of declaring her "insane" in any way exonerates her for those horrific crimes, but to just kill her (which isn't even an option, anyway) seems more like Vengeance than Justice at this point.

Andrea Yates will spend her life in jail or in hospitals. She will live with her crimes every day.

One thing is for sure, tho - the fact that ol' Rusty has skated with virtually no responsibility in this case is a true miscarriage of justice, not in our courts, but rather with the actual concept of Justice. Boy, he should be glad that the Spectre isn't real!

Sorry about that.


Anyway - can't find the connector cable for my camera, so if it's not in a couple other places I still need to check tomorrow, then I'll buy a new one. I want to share this stuff I'm doing with you - my non-existant, yet loyal readers!

Lots of interesting news coming out of the San Diego Comic-Con (for the non-comic geeks, that is essentially our Mecca), but the two that really have caught my eye so far are the Paul Dini/Amanda Conner hardcover graphic novel featuring Black Canary and Zatanna; and the announcement that DC's animated division is alive and well under Bruce Timm's watchful eye, and amongst their first new animated projects will be Darwyn Cooke's "DC: New Frontier" (confirmed rumor), and the Teen Titans "Judas Contract."

I damn near did cartwheels over this news! Remind me sometime to talk about my beginnings as a comic fan and you'll realize why the Judas Contract getting this treatment means so much!!! Good show, DC! Good Show, indeed!!!

Great week for Comics this past week. Checkmate, Shadowpact, Manhunter, Battle for Bludhaven, Catwoman and 52 were great...but the real gem was Uncle Sam and the Freedom Fighters!!!! If you have looked at my Solutions, Not Problems website then you'll understand why this book resonated with me so much. I'm too tired to go into detail right now, but this comic has achieved....nay, surpassed my initial expectations!

What a terrible ending!

Well, I was all gung-ho and ready to post an image of the preliminary sketch of my first piece in my return to painting, but I can't find the freaking connector for my digital camera that hooks into my computer. I guess you non-existant readers will have to wait til tomorrow to see this. Hopefully I will find it in the last place I would expect to, as that is where I'll be looking first.

I'm going to post images of my work as it progresses. I am excited about painting again, and I want to share it. I'm prepared for people to think that my work is crap because, well...half the time I share that opinion. But, who knows - I'm not exactly known for my good taste.

Except when it comes to the Crimson Fox and Silver Sorceress - they do rock all kinds of wicked awesome and there's no disputing that!

I spoke with a gentleman earlier today who is going to help me with that reading program I was discussing earlier this week...or last week, I can't remember. It's always a good thing when you pitch an idea to people to see them all looking at each other and nodding. Gives you hope that the support will be there. I've talked to a few other people about trying to organize prizes for this reading program, but I really need to approach some local comics shops. I am going to be pushing the idea of reading comics on the parents who are trying to figure out how to get kids to read more.

The other thing I'm pointing out is that when kids see their parents reading, they are more likely to read. I don't know about anyone else, but I remember my parents having family reading times, where we'd all gather in the den and read books. No magazines, no papers - books. My parents were cool with me reading comics, as they were both comics fans when they were younger, but mostly I read novels or non-fiction material in that time.

That's it for now. I'm going to get dressed and lay down. Oh, I probably should have mentioned that I just wrote this update in the buff. Don't worry - I'm not going back to my roots as a nudist, I just took a shower and I really like air drying at this time of night. That information probably wasn't necessary, but if you are reading this, then you just read something I typed with my junk hanging out. Pervs!

Regarding Art and Hot Dogs

Solutions, Not Problems added a couple new members over the last few days.

Baby steps...baby steps...

I am kind of digging the vibe I'm getting from a lot of people these days. I'm talking to more and more people who are just fed up with status quo and being lied to all the time. More people are asking questions, and they aren't accepting half-assed answers. I am truly hoping that this message is received this upcoming election season.

I have been making some progress on my unexpected art opportunity. I've been sketching some ideas and gathering some supplies. Yesterday I bought some wood for my canvas frames (I like to make my own) and some mirrors. More on the mirrors as it develops...but it's going to be cool, believe that! I'm not ready to share anything just yet, but I'm hoping to do so very soon. I completely forgot how invigorating the act of creating artwork can be. Maybe this will be healthier for me than my other hobby - long-distance running!

See - I am crazy enough to be an artist!

I am wondering a few things, tho, in the event that this art thingee takes off: am I required to wear black turtlenecks and smoke clove cigarettes? I really hope not, because it's too damned hot to wear black turtlenecks in Houston 347 days out of the year, and as far as the clove cigarettes go....EEEEWWWW!!!!!!

I think that if I ever have my own gallery opening I will serve beer instead of wine. I'll make sure to provide frosted mugs...cause that's classy!

Speaking of frosted mugs, next Tuesday is dollar dog day at Minute Maid Park! I'm wondering if this is my year...and some of you avid ballpark attendees know what I'm talking about! One Dog and One Beer every inning!

Eh, who am I kidding. I'm not Kobayashi, and the most dogs I ever ate was three at Zephyr Field in New Orleans...and my god, did I feel sick! Did alright on the beer, tho!

A rather strange turn of events...

Well, my life took a strange turn today: I am officially a professional artist!

I know - whoa! I mean like, that gets a total Keanu "WHOA!"

A bit of background on me - I used to paint quite a bit when I was younger. Loved it. I loved creating things with my hands. I wasn't limited to easels, I would paint odd shapes of wood, rocks, pottery...hell, I even tried my hand at sculpting!

Five years ago, Tropical Storm Allison backslapped the city of Houston really hard. I had a storage space at that time where I kept things while I was not living in the city. Included in that inventory was pretty much every piece of artwork I created from the age of 13 to 24. Well, it flooded and everything was ruined.

I literally had a piece of my soul ripped out with it's destruction. I didn't pick up a paintbrush again for a while, and when I did it was only to paint these little pots as a stress reliever. I couldn't bring myself to put a brush to canvas again. That part of me died.

Well, today something changed. A friend of my Mother saw one of the few remaining paintings that exist. I must have done the piece over a decade ago. She looked at some other stuff, and asked to contact me. Well, we met today. She is an artist herself, but more importantly, she is an art dealer. She basically became my agent today, offering to put any new works in some of the galleries she helps run, and to help me sell my work. She's going to help me set up a website as a gallery, then, if I complete 12 solid pieces before the year is done, she'll put in in said galleries. This woman does a lot of work with interior decorators who are hired by people wishing to furnish their homes with original artwork. She'll find out what they're looking for, then make the connection from client to artist.

Listening to all of this was strange enough, but the moment she put (a lot) of cash in my hand, it skipped straight to surreal. She realizes that I haven't painted in 5 years (not seriously) but she felt that from what she saw, I was worth the risk. I hope that I live up to her expectations.

I never thought that art would re-enter my life. I was done with it...but this kind of opportunity some people would kill for, and I just had it fall into my lap. I've had ideas flowing through my head all day - canvases I need to build, supplies I need (which she is helping me with) and my god...I actually feel it! I actually remembered what this felt like. It's amazing!

Anyway, I'm going to paint for a while. I'm going to start with a piece that's been haunting my mind for a few years now - an idea that I never thought would see the light of day...but now it will.

My head is still reeling from this. I'll start posting images as these pieces progress.

I can't believe I got paid for artwork today!

Odds and Ends...but mostly Odds

I love playing Kingdom of Loathing. My character is Groovius Maximus, and currently I'm an Accordian Thief, but I'm just doing a quick ascension so that I can build up some SuperHuman Cocktails to have for my next ascension as a Sauceror. I'm collecting Level 15 skills for my permanant collection, having already acquired Disco Bandit, Pastamancer and Seal Clubber. I can't decide if I'm going to go for the level 15 Accordian Thief skill, or just bail after I kill the Naughty Sorceress and go for the Sauceror skill. Decisions, decisions, decisions...

In the real world, I'm trying to put together a reading program with a few local organizations. I am appalled at the fact that kids don't really read anymore. Everything is X-Box this, and Nintendo WTF that...we really need to encourage kids to read more.

One thing I point to won't surprise my regular (aka non-existant) readers, and that's comics. Trades, in particular. I was given comics early on in life (having two parents that both liked them) and I have always been an avid reader. Hell, I read Lord of the Rings when I was 11. I don't think that the schools even expect 11 year olds to be able to read at all, these days!

I'm also still working on that Solutions, Not Problems website (forum found here: http://s13.invisionfree.com/SolutionsNotProblems/), but all of that work is going on behind the scenes, trying to figure out ways to expand what I'm trying to do there. I've got some interviews set up, but I'm not pursuing them until I have a bit of a better game plan for that site. One interview...well, let's just say that it is the ultimate evolution in cartography....

Hmm....I don't know if that was intentionally vague, or unintentionally dumb!

Life is going well for me right now. I am very busy, but that's a good thing! I haven't had a concussion in almost 7 years, so that's a good thing as well! Hopefully my past history with head injuries won't affect me later in life! Hopefully my past history with head injuries won't affect me later in life!

I really wish that the Astros would decide if they're good or bad! I am still convinced that we'll make the post-season, but damn....kick it up a notch already!!! The Rockets acquired Kirk Snyder for cash and a future draft pick swap. I guess that's good. He could surprise me!

Fiorentina was demoted to Serie B in the Italian Leagues. I'm upset about that, but they did deserve it. World Cup win aside, the state of Calcio in Italy is not very good at the moment.

Finally - I am ready for some goddamned football! NFL season is coming and coming soon! Go Texans!

More Cartoon and Comic stuff

I saw the youtube clip of the new Legion of Super Heroes cartoon today. I must say that as a long-time Legion fan I am thrilled that they are coming to a television set near you, and that a new generation of kids will be introduced to them.

Personally, I thought it looked awful, but I guess that I'm not the target demographic. It was almost painful to see the regal, sophisticated Emerald Empress get the hyper-sugar-no-attention-span-anime-influenced treatment.

Seriously, what the hell is up with anime? Why is it popular? I would have loved the Teen Titans cartoon if not for those goofy-assed anime faces and speed lines they threw in there. It was like they were trying to have a traditional cartoon, with just enough anime thrown in to seem edgy...and oh boy was it edgeless.

Don't get me wrong, I loved the Transformers when I was a kid, so I'm open to the mechamech mechamechs and junk, but for god's sake, tone down the stupid facial expressions like this: ^_^ It is lazy and dumb! Gah!!!!!

My personal distaste aside, I hope that the cartoon will be a roaring success and that the Legion of Super Heroes will find itself in an unprecedented level of popularity amongst kids and kids at heart. God knows that incredible team deserves it!

I will check it out, and who knows...maybe I'll like it. I'm more partial to the JLU/Batman/Superman animation style, but who knows...maybe this is just what the science police ordered!

Speaking of the Science Police, how cool is it that they have been introduced in the pages of the Superman comics? Brilliant! Between Dini's run of one-shots on Detective and Busiek's first solo issue of Action, I am happy to say that two of DC's flagship titles are in great hands, and that I'll be putting them both on my pull list! Another feather in DC's cap!

The Crimson Fox

This is the first in an educational series which I will call "Comic book characters whom you may not be a fan of, but you should be."

I will begin with a character who recently made her long-awaited (by me) return to comics in the pages of DC's Green Lantern. I am referring to the pride of the nation of France, the Crimson Fox!

Now, when you think of France, what comes to mind? Laetitia Casta, Catherine DeNeuve, Bridget Bardot, the Statue of Liberty...

See a pattern?

It is only right that the single greatest French super hero is a babe. Yes, I admit it, as a young dude I actually had a crush on this character. Well, the concept of her. She was everything that was exotic and cool about France. Plus, I had this massive crush on this real-life French chick at the same time, but that never panned out after a few dates. Reality never matches up to fantasy (or wouldn't until years later, but that's another story, and to be honest - none of your damn business!).

Anyway, back to the Crimson Fox. The D'Aramis twin sisters were created by Keith Giffen, JM DeMatteis and Bart Sears, and they made their debut in the pages of Justice League Europe #6 in September of 1989. And yes, I said sisters. The Crimson Fox was the super hero ID of Vivian and Constance D'Aramis, who ran the French pharmaceutical corporation Revson. They set out to avenge the deaths of their parents, and from taking their cues from the American hero, Batman, they became Le Renarde Rousee, or the Crimson Fox.

As for establishing a secret ID: well, the sister's realized that it may be a bit obvious for a known public figure to disappear at odd times, and that it would be exhausting to run their company and adventure as the Crimson Fox...so they did what was obvious and staged the death of one of them. Constance drew the short straw, and the sister's proceeded to share the lives of Vivian D'Aramis and the Crimson Fox. A perfect secret ID.

The Crimson Fox eventually joined the JLE and remained a member for some time until a great Crisis occurred - The Crisis of Lame-Ass Writing. In the heydey of 90's shock value killing, an idiotic decision was made to kill off Vivian D'Aramis. I'd go into details of the story, but it was written so incredibly piss-poorly that I have spent years blocking it from memory. Constance continued on, but what made this character unique was killed by the greatest villain of all - bad writing.

Constance would also be killed off later in the pages of James Robinson's Starman. The issue in question has the distinction of being the only bad comic ever written by James Robinson. Seriously - it was one of those lame-ass attempts to make a villain look "bad" by killing off a bunch of heroes to prove just how "bad" she was. Constance, along with Firestorm, Blue Devil and Amazing Man were killed by the Mist. God, that issue sucked donkey balls. The definate nadir of an otherwise amazing comics series.

The universe has righted itself a bit in recent months, as the character of the Crimson Fox has returned in the pages of Green Lantern, which is in my opinion, one of the best series DC has going right now. It might be a new character, but there were enough subtle hints that told me that it could be our D'Aramis' sisters returned to us. After all, they know a thing or two about faking their own deaths!

Come on, now! Jason Todd came back, why not the original Crimson Foxes?

Soccer...not Football, nor Futbol, nor Calcio....

Congrats Azzurri! Viva Italia!

So, another World Cup has come and gone. There have been allegations that a US squad made an appearance in this year's tournament, but I don't recall any substantiating evidence for that claim.

So, the age-old question will be asked again - how do we make Soccer work in the United States? There is a myth that the sport is not popular, but that simply is not true. It may not have the fan base of baseball or football, but there are plenty of folk out there who enjoy the sport and would support it.

So what to do? Is MLS the answer? Yes and no. They are a key piece for this puzzle, but not the answer in and of itself.

I'm going to break this down in three parts: advertising, presentation and league mechanics.

The advertising part is easy - for televised games put the logo of a sponsor in the corner next to where the score is displayed. This will work on a cable network better than ABC, NBC, CBS or FOX right off the bat. Charge for length of time the logo is displayed, then for bigger money an advertiser can pay to have their logo presented when one of the teams scores.

The presentation - this is where we need to be creative. We have to operate without commecial breaks here, so we need to have announcers who are creative, humorous and able to improvise. Now, I am one of the few that liked Dennis Miller on the NFL, but that's not where I'd go here. We need someone who is able to get big laughs out of people, but is sports savvy, so that he can entertain while calling the game. I'm talking someone like Jay Mohr here. You can have your traditional sidekicks who can be called upon to provide more insight into the games, but pick people with personalities, for god's sake!

As for the networks, approach the new CN network to pick up a few games - use the stars from their teen-angst dramas as guest hosts at times. Also, aim at networks like Spike, OLN or USA. Ratings that may be seen as disastrous for some networks would actually be the top rated shows on others. Seek them out.

As for the League mechanics, i would use the MLS as my base of teams. Currently, there are franchises in:

Houston
Dallas
New York
Washington DC
New England
Chicago
Colombus
Colorado
Club Deportivo (Los Angeles)
Los Angeles (yes, they have 2)
Kansas City
Real Salt Lake

12 teams.

I want to add 16 clubs. Yep, 16. Now, if anyone actually read this damned blog then their jaws would have probably hit the floor with that. Why would I want to inflate an already struggling league's numbers to nearly that of the NFL????

Well, I don't. I want to establish the MLS-based league like the English Premiership League. There will be two entities: Tier one, with 16 teams; and Tier 2, with 12 teams.

Tier 1 would consist of the existing MLS franchises, plus 4 others who would win their way into the league. That would happen when the (initially) 16 expansion teams of Tier 2 play a season and the top 4 teams would be elevated to Tier 1 status, with the winner getting a 1-year protection exemption from falling back down (more on that soon).

We would then mimick the Euro leagues in the way business is done. Every season, the three last place teams in Tier 1 drop to Tier 2, while the top three teams in Tier 2 will be elevated to Tier 1. Every year the Tier 2 winner will get a 1-year exemption where they cannot fall back down to Tier 2.

The expansion franchises will be: San Jose, California; San Antonio, Texas; Austin, Texas; Oklahoma City, Oklahoma; St. Louis, Missouri; Louisville, Kentucky; Madison, Wisconsin; Miami, Florida; Phoenix, Arizona; Las Vegas, Nevada; Detroit, Michigan; Seattle, Washington; Atlanta, Georgia; San Diego, California; Philadelphia, Pennsylvania; and Orlando, Florida.

Some of these are open to debate, some (San Jose, San Antonio, Phoenix, Vegas, Austin and Oklahoma City) are not.

A couple notes - any Tier 1 team that wishes to relocate will automatically be relegated to Tier 2 the season they move. To prevent tanking games to move, any Tier 2 team must have played at least 2 seasons in Tier 2 before being allowed to move.

What stadiums? Well, we use existing college stadiums, or underused public venues. This league will not be on par with the big 4 of Football, Basketball, Baseball or Competitive Eating in the US, so we'll have to issue everyone some boots, and more importantly some bootstraps, in order to make this work!


Or I could just try to start a Pro Curling circuit.

Pet Names

I once had a cat. His name was Meow Ming. I thought it was clever.

If I had a dog, it would be Charles Bark-ley.

If I had a ferret, it's name would be Clyde...not after Clyde "the Glide" Drexler, but rather for the HGIC on Pac-Man.

If I had a horse it's name would be Cloppertop.

If I had a snake, it's name would be "AAAAAHHH!!!" because that's what I'd scream every time I saw it.

If I had a Bengal Tiger, it's name would be "Cause of Death" because it's stupid to own a Bengal Tiger.

If I had a fish, I would have two, and their names would be "Monroe" and "Doctrine" named, of course, for Monroe, Louisiana and the Doctrine of faith in the Catholic Church. Duh!

If I had a snail then I'd name it "Hold the Salt" more as a reminder to me when I feed it than anything else.

If I had a horse (in addition to Cloppertop) it's name would be a pony named Pinky Pie, because my nieces would love it!

If I had a tarantula, I'd name it Christopher Walken, because tarantulas freak me out, and so does Christopher Walken.


Perhaps I should just stick with Sea Monkeys.

Nothing to see here...

I have literally nothing to say right now.

It's like my brain is shut down. I don't want to think.

This is what it must feel like to be in Congress!

Should Athletes be Role Models?

"Ray, people will come Ray. They'll come to Iowa for reasons they can't even fathom. They'll turn up your driveway not knowing for sure why they're doing it. They'll arrive at your door as innocent as children, longing for the past. Of course, we won't mind if you look around, you'll say. It's only $20 per person. They'll pass over the money without even thinking about it: for it is money they have and peace they lack. And they'll walk out to the bleachers; sit in shirtsleeves on a perfect afternoon. They'll find they have reserved seats somewhere along one of the baselines, where they sat when they were children and cheered their heroes. And they'll watch the game and it'll be as if they dipped themselves in magic waters. The memories will be so thick they'll have to brush them away from their faces. People will come Ray. The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. This field, this game: it's a part of our past, Ray. It reminds of us of all that once was good and it could be again. Oh... people will come Ray. People will most definitely come "


OK, anyone who doesn't know what that movie comes from has missed out on one of the greatest movies ever! It's from the character Terrance Mann, played by James Earl Jones in the movie "Field of Dreams."

This movie usually is amongst the top of any "greatest sports films" list, but I really think that labelling it a "sports" movie sells it short. It tells an amazing, imaginative story of redemption and reconciliation told by the means of baseball. There may be more popular sports right now, but none are a part of American Culture as much as baseball. That's why things like the Steroid scandal and the Lockout reverberate so greatly with people.

Baseball has become ingrained in American lives in so many ways. I understand players who want to succeed, no matter the cost, but the damage that they do isn't just to their own bodies, or the game - it is to America's soul.

It is easy to dismiss what some ballplayers do by saying that "athletes should not be role models," but I don't buy that. Athletes, given that grand of a stage and the ability to inspire others should strive to become role models. Yes, it is their paycheck and their livelihood, but it's our game, dammit. We expect better of so many of you.

Field of Dreams had one character, Archibald "Moonlight" Graham who was a major league player for half an inning, but never got to bat. He went on to become a doctor and touched many people's lives. Part of him still wished that he could have had one at-bat. In this movie he got one, and appropriately enough it was a Sacrifice pop-up. People who have seen the movie know why that's important. Those who haven't...well, I'm not going to tell you. You have to watch it!

That's our game you're playing, Gentlemen. Please take better care of it.

Vegetarian = Bully

Chicken is delicious! Is there a more delicious animal on this planet?

I'm a carnivore and I'm proud of it. Actually, I guess I'm an Omnivore, seeing as how I ate a salad with my chicken earlier. Whatever you label me, just make sure that meat is on the menu! I like cow, I like lamb, I like Turkey, I like buffalo...but I don't like fish. Eww! Have you seen what's in the ocean? Why not just eat sludge and get it over with!

One thing that I am not is an Herbivore. I do not understand vegetarians at all. Vegans...oy, now there's something wrong with them! How can they go through life without tasting the joy that is cheese, for crying out loud?!?!?!?!?

My big problem with vegetarianism is that they are, at heart, bullies. They are the worst kind of people. Animals can defend themselves, after all. They have a chance.

Carrots don't.

Have you ever seen the greedy, malevolent look of a vegan when they rip a carrot from the ground, where it lived in it's defenseless manner? I haven't seen a look like that since this kid I went to school with made his morning milk money rounds.

For shame, Vegans! For shame! Unless your diet consists completly of poison ivy, Venus flytraps and Seymour II then I never want to hear a lecture from you on what I eat. My food has a chance unlike yours, you bullying bastards!

Happy Birthday, America!

Many happy returns! I know that a lot of people like to put you down, but remember what makes you great, and maybe you'll inspire greatness in others.

I'm watching "Look, Up in the Sky" on A&E right now. It is a history of the character of Superman from his inception to the present. It is discussing comics, the TV series', the movies, and the actors who played him.

They just finished talking about Smallville (which I still have not seen) and it was in this time that they started talking about the death of Christopher Reeve. I am not ashamed to admit that by the commercial break I was so misty-eyed I could barely see.

There is a quote from this film (well, technically it is from the original) made by Jor-El, played by Marlon Brando, that was used on the trailers, and it was used here on this special - it gives
me goosebumps every time I hear it:

"They can be a great people Kal-El. They wish to be. They only lack the light to show the way"

That line, especially with the music in the background, is so incredibly poignant. We, as a people, really can be capable of so much, as long as we allow ourselves to be.

An incoherent rambling on comedies...

God, I am so tired!

Not just "I want to go to bed, tired" I am in that "my whole body wants to shut down, curl up in the fetal position and not move for ten days!"

I know, I know...quit yer whinin'!!!

I watched part of Office Space earlier today. I don't think that this movie will ever stop getting funnier and funnier each time I watch it. It is one of those movies that you can just start watching at any moment in the movie, and if you're flipping channels and it's on then you have to watch it.

I don't like doing top ten lists with movies, because those change all the time for me, and I like different movies for different reasons. I can't even do it by genre for the same reasons. I love comedies, but sometimes I'm in the mood for smarter comedies like the Big Lebowski or Raising Arizona, but other times I want some good, mindless fun like Happy Gilmore or Airplane! Of course, Monty Python gets it's own category.

I really do dig British humor. When I was a kid I loved the Young Ones, which was being broadcast in the US on MTV, which was still a young network. The misadventures of Rick, Vyvyan, Neil and Michael guided me through my formative years in terms of appreciating humor. I don't know why, but poo jokes seem more dignified with the British Accent.

You know what would be a hard list for me to make? Top ten Bill Murray movies. How in the hell would I rank that? Groundhog Day, Scrooged, Ghostbusters, Stripes, Caddyshack...each one deserves the #1 slot! Ack! I think I'll have to watch them all again to make up my mind.

My favorite Jim Carrey movie is easy - Liar Liar. I loved Ace Ventura, but Liar Liar was so funny I thought I'd pass out from laughing. You know what, tho? I really dig his serious (well, to a point) movies. I liked the Truman Show, and I'm not convinced that that wasn't actually Andy Kaufmann in Man on the Moon. Great performance!

The one comedy that not everyone has seen, but everyone needs to see is the Kentucky Fried Movie. Watch it for "Catholic High School Girls in Trouble!" at the bare minimum!

I like laughing.

The Super Friends are the laziest Super Heroes ever!!!!!

OK, the Super Friends were the worst super heroes ever!

Don't get me wrong, I love that old campy cartoon, but have you ever seen a lazier, more incompetent group in your life? Are these people Earth's greatest heroes or are they music store employees?

Every episode end with the Super Friends stopping the Legion of Doom...who always escape thanks to some genius Lex Luthor plot device. That part doesn't bother me - he's a cackling evil genius, it's too be expected he'll come up with these things...but come on, Super Friends - how many times does it have to happen before you anticipate these things? And that's not even the worst part. No, that would be how they never pursue the Legion of Doom.

For god's sake - they're RIGHT THERE! CHASE THEM!!!

But no, never a chase to be seen. Nope, it's always "We'll be ready for them next time..." There won't be a next time if you chase them and catch them now, you lazy bastards!!!!!!

Eesh, and let's talk about these heroes. At some point some brilliant mind decided that they needed a diverse cast, and there's nothing wrong with that, but could they have gotten any worse with the stereotypes?

"OK, we need some minority representation, people. I'm thinking that we introduce an Asian character named Samaurai, an Indian (they were still called Indians back then) character named the Apache Chief, and an Afro-American character named Vulcan."

"Um, I've got a problem with that last one...why don't we call him Black Vulcan. You know...because he's Black and all."


Now that I'm older, I finally understand that the Legion of Doom was actually much cooler than the Super Friends. Hell, they had Black Manta. The Super Friends had Aquaman!!!

Let's look at the lineups for the two groups: The Super Friends have Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman & Robin, Green Lantern, Hawkman, Flash, Aquaman, Apache Chief, Samaurai and Vulcan...err, Black Vulcan. Pretty cool lineup.

The Legion of Doom has Lex Luthor, Cheetah, Giganta (two women as opposed to the Super Friend's 1, so the LOD has that original sin thing working against them!), Gorilla Grodd, Solomon Grundy, Toyman, Sinestro, the Riddler, Scarecrow, Black Manta, Bizarro and Lex Luthor-in-hot-pants, a.k.a Brainiac. There is no way that this team does not dominate the Super Friends!

I remember as a kid thinking that Sinestro had a sunburn...but then I learned he was supposed to be pink. I hope that his parents weren't shocked that he became a criminal...they named him freaking Sinestro!!!! Of course he's going to end up bad. Why not name him Evilo, or Nefarious Bob? I bet if he went to court his lawyer would use that as an argument to get him off of the charges of robbing Fort Knox with radioactive pickles, or whatever it was that he did.

I'm going to touch on Brainiac's hot pants again. People always make "Batman and Robin were gay" jokes...but I think that Brainiac figures into that discussion as well.

"Who likes short shorts? Brainiac likes short shorts!"

But you know what? All criticism aside, those sure were fun cartoons and I did love them when I was a kid!

Cars don't have handlebars, Eddie! Hold the wheel!

So, we have an all-Euro semi-final in the World Cup!

On to other news - Eddie Griffin...man, he really was worth those three first rounders we traded to New Jersey to get him on the Rockets, huh? Thank god we didn't end up with that scrub Richard Jefferson.

sigh......Oh well! I'm a Rockets fan, things like this are to be expected.

For anyone who hasn't heard, Eddie Griffin, most recently of the Minnesota Timberwolves, was arrested after crashing his car. It appears as if he was driving drunk...and while watching porn on an in-dashboard screen...and jerking off.

As a lawyer friend pointed out to me, he'll likely be charged with carjacking.

Mr. Griffin claims that he crashed because he dropped his cell phone. His cell phone? Seriously? My god, how many hands does this man have? He's got his cell phone in one hand, his junk in the other....who's driving???

Fortunately, this is America, and basketball fans at sports venues that Griffin visits in the future will refrain from commenting on this event out of a sense of decency, I'm sure. This will be forgotten very, very quickly. Yep...very quickly.